Lupus & Work

My new reality is really my old reality.  No much has changed in my grand scheme of things.  My day to day living experience is still up and down, good and bad, etc.

It's Life.

What has changed is my understanding of the 'why' of my physical condition.  There is a certain satisfaction knowing that I'm not losing my mind.  For a while there it was a close thing.  It's a relief to know there is a reason for all the aches and pains.  That, through patience, I'll be able to manage this.

How I deal with work, now that's a challenge.  Generally, I can make everything work.  But I have a small problem.  I'm a type A personality with a definite overachieving issue.  I want to get the job done.  I like to work.

My acknowledgement of Lupus is forcing me to re-evaluate how I do things at work.  How many responsibilities I take on and when I ask for help.  I'm not very good at asking for help.  The LFA website has a great article about making my workplace more manageable.  I'm slowing getting the changes I need implemented. Re-jiggering my workspace to be more ergonomic, working with facilities to help me out with the glare.

All this is something that I can ask for according to the ADA.  I'm not planning on stopping work anytime soon, so I have to find a way to make my work environment as friendly to my current situation as possible.

Yes, I have Lupus and I'm learning to ask for help.

I Need A Gun

Maybe that is too bold of a statement.  But in my fantasy, I could shoot myself and put myself out of my misery, then be back when I'm pain free! (I know, totally unrealistic. Who said fantasies were anywhere near reality?)

I'm back to being achy, headachy and miserable.  Really, I think a bullet might solve the issue.

No, I'm not suicidal, I'm just hurting.  I'd want it to be a Groundhog day experience with the ability to control what I got to re-experience.  But, as we all know, it just doesn't work that way. sigh

I can't get back in to see the rheumatologist until Thanksgiving week.  My family is not getting the whole I'm tired, sore, and achy leave me alone thing. And I still have to get up every day and go to work.

I was doing okay for a while the achiness was marginal, just a twinge or so here and there. Now it's back to the 'I feel like I've been beaten by a spiked bat'.  I'm not sleeping well. I can't get comfortable, I toss and turn, waking myself up.  I just don't know what to do.

The last thing I can do is get stressed out about it, but I'm finding it to be a vicious circle.

I'm just going to do my best to just breathe.  Relax, the best I can.  And pray for relief.

And if all fails, find a Nerf Gun and go to town!

Desserts

Today started with a stress inducing phone call of the personal nature at work.  Not a way to start a packed day.  The person who started my day, was angry.  So angry that they had to spread their virally infectious nastiness and crap all over my morning.

Enter, stage left, a stress headache.  It's been waiting in the wings to take center stage for a couple of days now. But I've been successfully avoiding it, until this morning.

Stress has never been my friend. I do my best to avoid it.  Often times it would seem to an outside pair of eyes that I am in an avoidance pattern.  The reality is I pick and chose my battles.  Really.  There are things worth fighting about and things not worth my times.

The thing this morning? Not worth my time. But it certainly had an impact on me.

So, I'll work on being destressed and concentrate on my desserts - Chocolate straight up!