Dental Work

I'm getting a crown on a back molar.  That wouldn't be an issue, if I didn't have to go back in and have it recast because something happened to the original cast at the place where the crown is being made.

Why am I talking about this on a Lupus blog?

Because, I have a mother of a headache that is exacerbated by allergies and a flare only to be irritated by the tension of holding my jaw tight for three minute intervals why the most nasty stuff in the world is in my mouth for the mold.

My mouth is still tender.  My sinuses are in revolt.  My head is ready to explode.  AND my system in general just wants me to fly the surrender flag and curl up in a ball to go back to sleep.

Even though I feel like an extra from the dentist scene of the Little Shop of Horrors, my dentist is a good guy. He is aware of my condition and gave me breaks between castings.  I just have to be aware that this is something that will have a more profound affect on me in the future.

I am unamused.

Happy Face

One of my favorite movies of all time is an Australian film called 'Strictly Ballroom'. When things are going poorly in the film, the mother goes around saying 'Happy Face! I want to see your Happy Face!' The litany goes from a forced happy voice to that scary 'I'm hanging on by my last nerve and I'll take you over the edge with me' voice.

Honestly, there are some days when I feel like I need to be screaming HAPPY FACE! I'm putting on my HAPPY FACE!  Just to get through the day.  I really don't want to put my 'I feel crappiness' on anyone, so I slap on a smile and get through it.

Yes, I live deep in the land of Denial.  And I'm proud of it!

This doesn't mean I'm ignoring my needs.  I'm just going about setting my boundaries quietly.  Enforcing them without making a fuss.  No matter what, the family doesn't want to deal with my illness.  And frankly, it's exhausting at times having to justify how I feel.

I have really good friends who bear a lot of brunt of my whinging.  I do my best to make sure that I give them equal time.  After all the world really doesn't revolve around me.

With the advent of Spring, I'm not feeling so springy.  My allergies are kicking off some flare activity.

So, I'm going to just keep yelling....

HAPPY FACE!!!!!!

Maybe I'd better step away from the keyboard....

Allergies are Not My Friends

Spring has sprung with a vengeance here in my part of the world.  I love seeing the flowers and the trees starting to green.  Just the thought of a rejuvenated world is uplifting.

However, with all that greening up comes a price for me.  Allergies.  Specifically tree pollens, followed by grasses, followed by just general reaction to the nature which I love so much.

This year, I'm catching the signals early.  Last year when this odyssey began in earnest I had an episode of shingles thrown into the mix.  I'm praying that all I have to deal with are the allergies.

As is stands right now, the allergies are not playing well with the Lupus.  The allergy symptoms seem to be exacerbating any Lupus symptoms I may be having, forming a vicious circle.  Affecting my sleep, my cognitive functions and my general temperament.

I have a doctor's appointment coming up in a few weeks.  Smack dab in the middle of allergy season. I may be trying to live in a bubble by that time.

Circumstances

Half the month as gone and I'm behind.  Not to say things haven't been happening.

Let's run down the list.

1. I'm learning to identify how Lupus and my allergies play together.  Since I have some aggressive seasonal allergies, I'm learning how my Lupus reality and my allergies play off each other. 
2. I've completed a novel and am shopping for an agent.  While this isn't directly health related, it is something that affects my stress levels.  After all rejection is a stressful thing.  For that matter so is success. 
3. Work has been moving full steam ahead.  Lots of changes happening. Not bad, just a lot of balls in the air that require me to stay sharp.  I'm still dealing with some exhaustion.  The cognitive haze that I was dealing with last summer has not returned. I do believe that that is a due to the Plaquenil.
4. I have several writing projects in various stages.  Just because one project is finished, doesn't mean that I rest on my laurels. I have to continue to write, my goal is to augment my income as a writer.  Therefore this is essentially a second job.  

Then of course there are the normal family and day to day things that never stop.  My life is full. Better than it was.  Is it where it was a couple a years ago? No. Will it ever be? Probably not. I'm okay with that.  I rather know the big bad in my life. Then I can find my work arounds.  I can still live my life.  

Live can be lived in the most extraordinary circumstances.  As a person, you have to be willing to see the opportunities where they lay.  And the opportunities are vast.

Am I glad I'm sick? I'd rather not be.  Will I wring my hands and decline like a Victorian maid?  Absolutely not.