Domino Effect

A week ago, I was involved in a car accident.  Aside from some muscular issues, I came out of it okay AND my car can be fixed. I can not tell you how lucky I was.  It could have been so much  I'm now feeling about 90% back to normal.  

The good news is no one was seriously hurt AND they can fix my car.  

Why do I tell you all this?  It would seem that my Lupus wanted to get into the act.  Apparently, it was feeling neglected. sigh.

Really?  

I understand that I experienced a traumatic event, but couldn't the flare I'm experiencing coincide with the days I felt crappy from the accident?  Of course not.  I'm achy joints, experiencing headaches and my fatigue level has gone up a notch.  

Don't get me wrong, I am filled with Gratitude.  The entire experience could have been so much worse.  I just wish my body would get its act together.

Paying the Piper

I'd say that the last few months have been easy, without incident and happy.

I'd be lying.

I've accomplished a lot.  If you couldn't tell, I write.  I have a number of blogs AND I've finished a manuscript for my first novel and am seeking representation AND I work full-time AND see to the welfare of my senior parent AND trying to maintain a balance.

I'll be the first to admit I've dropped a few balls along the way.  My body rebelled.  I pushed to far and paid the price.

Here is the hard part.  I still don't 'look sick' according to people who are around me.  How do I explain to them looking sick has nothing to do with the body aches, the headaches, joint pain and debilitating exhaustion.  And let's not forget weird rashes.  And my particular favorite, my particular blessing,  reoccurring shingles.

I find ways to soldier through it all. I have to.  I rest when and where I can.  The rub is, only I can pay my bills, put food on my table and kibble in my dog's bowl.

I'm living on a deferred payment plan and if I am not careful, the bill will come due in full.

Horizontal and Vertical Adjustments

So much for my resolve to post more regularly.  It's allergy season and I'm starting to feel as bad as I did this time last year.  To top it all off, I decided to get proactive and get allergy tested.  I've lived in Virginia for almost six years and haven't gotten the specifics of what sets me off other than oak.

I'm off my allergy meds, sitting at work, wishing I was any place else.  Preferably asleep. The irony?  I couldn't actually sleep if my life depended on it.

AND, I'm breaking out in spots.

I AM UNAMUSED!

I know that Lupus is requiring a different mind set from me.  I'll be honest.  I'm having trouble adjusting. I feel like I'm a bad picture on a television screen. Out of focus and out of whack.  Part of me wants to look as bad as I feel, while the vain peacock in me reigns that in.

I'm grateful for the small things.  My sense of humor, my friends, the fact that I can still work.  I'm grateful that I can string my thoughts together for a good whinge.

I'm working on focusing the picture of my life.  Coming to terms that the new picture will be nothing like the old one.

That's going to take a while to reconcile.