Horizontal and Vertical Adjustments

So much for my resolve to post more regularly.  It's allergy season and I'm starting to feel as bad as I did this time last year.  To top it all off, I decided to get proactive and get allergy tested.  I've lived in Virginia for almost six years and haven't gotten the specifics of what sets me off other than oak.

I'm off my allergy meds, sitting at work, wishing I was any place else.  Preferably asleep. The irony?  I couldn't actually sleep if my life depended on it.

AND, I'm breaking out in spots.

I AM UNAMUSED!

I know that Lupus is requiring a different mind set from me.  I'll be honest.  I'm having trouble adjusting. I feel like I'm a bad picture on a television screen. Out of focus and out of whack.  Part of me wants to look as bad as I feel, while the vain peacock in me reigns that in.

I'm grateful for the small things.  My sense of humor, my friends, the fact that I can still work.  I'm grateful that I can string my thoughts together for a good whinge.

I'm working on focusing the picture of my life.  Coming to terms that the new picture will be nothing like the old one.

That's going to take a while to reconcile.

Happy Face

One of my favorite movies of all time is an Australian film called 'Strictly Ballroom'. When things are going poorly in the film, the mother goes around saying 'Happy Face! I want to see your Happy Face!' The litany goes from a forced happy voice to that scary 'I'm hanging on by my last nerve and I'll take you over the edge with me' voice.

Honestly, there are some days when I feel like I need to be screaming HAPPY FACE! I'm putting on my HAPPY FACE!  Just to get through the day.  I really don't want to put my 'I feel crappiness' on anyone, so I slap on a smile and get through it.

Yes, I live deep in the land of Denial.  And I'm proud of it!

This doesn't mean I'm ignoring my needs.  I'm just going about setting my boundaries quietly.  Enforcing them without making a fuss.  No matter what, the family doesn't want to deal with my illness.  And frankly, it's exhausting at times having to justify how I feel.

I have really good friends who bear a lot of brunt of my whinging.  I do my best to make sure that I give them equal time.  After all the world really doesn't revolve around me.

With the advent of Spring, I'm not feeling so springy.  My allergies are kicking off some flare activity.

So, I'm going to just keep yelling....

HAPPY FACE!!!!!!

Maybe I'd better step away from the keyboard....

Allergies are Not My Friends

Spring has sprung with a vengeance here in my part of the world.  I love seeing the flowers and the trees starting to green.  Just the thought of a rejuvenated world is uplifting.

However, with all that greening up comes a price for me.  Allergies.  Specifically tree pollens, followed by grasses, followed by just general reaction to the nature which I love so much.

This year, I'm catching the signals early.  Last year when this odyssey began in earnest I had an episode of shingles thrown into the mix.  I'm praying that all I have to deal with are the allergies.

As is stands right now, the allergies are not playing well with the Lupus.  The allergy symptoms seem to be exacerbating any Lupus symptoms I may be having, forming a vicious circle.  Affecting my sleep, my cognitive functions and my general temperament.

I have a doctor's appointment coming up in a few weeks.  Smack dab in the middle of allergy season. I may be trying to live in a bubble by that time.