My Minefield of Denial

I'm the first to admit I'm happily sitting smack dab in the middle of a minefield of denial.  With my fingers in my ears, singing LA-LA-LA-LA-LA at the top of my lungs.

I'm having issues with seeing how to reconcile the limits of Lupus with my job, my goals, and my dreams.  Yes, I'm grateful that I now have a label to put on the misery I've been experiencing over the last several years, but I HAVE THINGS TO DO!

A good friend reminded me last night, that I needed to throttle back and re-prioritize things. I needed to reset my level of expectations. Stop going full throttle and listen to my body.  If I didn't, my body was going to stop everything for me.

Deep down, I'm feeling a lot, and I do mean A LOT, of resentment about this.  Psychologically, my physical weakness is making me feel old.  I am not old. I'm not even past my prime.

I'm faced with a deep seated fear that I won't be able to provide for myself.  This fear is really gnawing away at me.

This leaves me sitting in the middle of my minefield of denial, with my eyes squeezed shut, babbling loudly, hoping it will all go away.

I'll let you know how this works out for me.