Fighting Fatigue

I find the fatigue part of the lupus to be overwhelming.  Just being tired is depressing.  Especially when I know that I should be more alert, energetic and productive.  I have this list in my brain I need to tick off.  If I don't at least touch parts of the listed items, I feel crappy.  That sounds a bit OCD doesn't it.

Part of the reason I write is to clear my head of all the stuff I have in there.  That includes stories, opinions, irritations, random thoughts, etc.  When I don't get a chance to express any of it, because I'm too fatigued for example, I get into a pretty serious funk that feeds on itself.  Those funks are dangerous.  They can send me into an ever downward spiral that ultimately does irreparable harm.

Now I have to identify my most productive times, and schedule myself to them.  I can definitely tell you I am NOT a night owl.  I am so tired of people and just life in general after work that I want to be left alone.  That very rarely ever happens.

I'm tired of being tired.  But it's part of the issues.  As I work through what works and doesn't, I understand that the fatigue might get better, or I'll be able to manage it better.

I watch my nieces and nephews zoom around and wonder if I can borrow a little of their energy for a little while.  They seem to have an overabundance of it.